Korean Table Manners

What the spoon and chopsticks are for

A Korean place setting comes with a spoon and chopsticks as a pair. Rice, soup and stew are eaten with the spoon, and side dishes are picked up with the chopsticks. Eating rice with chopsticks is not forbidden, but using the spoon for rice and broth looks more natural. People do not hold the spoon and chopsticks in one hand at the same time; while using one, they set the other down on the table or a rest. Korean chopsticks are often flat and made of metal, so they can feel slippery at first. Lining up the tips and holding them a little closer to the end makes them much easier.

The rice bowl stays on the table

In Japan it is polite to hold the rice bowl in your hand, but in Korea people usually leave the rice and soup bowls on the table and eat with the spoon. Raising a bowl to your mouth to drink can look awkward at a formal meal. There is a practical reason too: Korean rice bowls are often metal, and with hot rice inside they are hard to hold. That said, finishing the broth of a noodle dish straight from the bowl is common enough in casual settings.

Eating with elders

When you eat with someone older or more senior, it is polite to wait until they pick up their spoon before you start. Match their pace, and even if you finish first, do not get up from the table on your own. At the start of a meal people say jal meokgesseumnida, roughly "I will eat well," and at the end jal meogeosseumnida, "I ate well." Say these especially when someone is treating you. Setting out spoons and water glasses is often the job of the youngest person at the table.

Shared side dishes and stews

Side dishes and stews go in the middle and are shared. Take side dishes from the edge nearest you, and do not dig around with your chopsticks looking for a particular piece. Family members and close friends may eat stew directly with their own spoons, but many restaurants now provide a ladle and small plates, and serving yourself that way offends no one. Many restaurants will bring more of the basic side dishes, but it varies by place, so ask the staff if you want more.

Things best avoided

Most Koreans would feel uncomfortable seeing the following. Remember the first one in particular, because it calls to mind the table set for ancestral rites.

• Standing a spoon or chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice
• Blowing your nose at the table; step away for a moment instead
• Tapping bowls with chopsticks or digging through side dishes
• Leaving the table before your elders
• Leaving all the grilling to one person while you sit back

Barbecue restaurants and other habits

At restaurants where meat is grilled at the table, sometimes the staff grill it and sometimes the customers do. When customers grill, the younger or more experienced person at the table often takes the tongs. Cutting meat and cold noodles with scissors is completely normal, so there is no need to be surprised. A ssam, a lettuce or perilla leaf wrapped around meat, garlic and dipping paste, is usually eaten in one bite. If you bite it in half, the filling tends to fall out.

Drinking etiquette

When pouring for someone senior, hold the bottle with both hands, or pour with your right hand while your left hand supports your right arm. Hold your glass with both hands when receiving, too. When drinking in front of an elder, the traditional courtesy is to turn your head slightly to the side. By custom, people do not fill their own glasses but fill each other's, usually once a glass is empty. If you cannot or do not want to drink, it is fine to decline politely; plenty of people fill their glass with a soft drink and just join the toast. Drinking is only for those above the legal age, and many places check ID.

Who pays

Traditionally, the oldest person or the host paid for everyone, and someone else would pay at the next place, so the treat went back and forth. Today, friends and coworkers often pay separately, or one person pays and the others send their share. Many restaurants handle payment at the counter on the way out rather than at the table. If someone treated you, offering to buy tea or coffee next time is a natural way to return the favor.

• Ask before ordering or at the counter whether you can pay separately
• If you were treated, return the favor in a small way next time
• The bill is usually settled at the counter after the meal